Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
