Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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