im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
