This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
