drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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