No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
