The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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