Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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