Umm I'm too high to move.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
