Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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