I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
