I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
