wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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