Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
