I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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