i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
