But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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