Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think I just sharted jello shots
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