ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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