he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
