I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it glows. i had to have it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
