Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
