We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
