my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
