Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
