You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
