I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
