So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
