she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
