Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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