that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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