I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
