No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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