we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
