Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
