Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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