I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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