mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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