just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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