So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
