i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
