I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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