When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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