I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
