At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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