porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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