jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
