I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
