I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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