After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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