i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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