Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
