If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
