it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
