We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
