Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
