My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
